return my video game
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
