she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Shame is for Republicans.
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