***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
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