We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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