Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
