I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Terrible idea I love it
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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