dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
