Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I AM VODKA MAN
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
