my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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