i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She even gives head with a lisp.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
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