Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
