first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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