I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You are a genius and a whore.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
