I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
