Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
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