Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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