no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
