my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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