Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
