My hand turned me down
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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