Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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