just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
