Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
