M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
