If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
