if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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