fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Randomize
