I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
