I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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