community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
