there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
