Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
