One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
