Sponge bath it is.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
