Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
