don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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