I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
