i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
