I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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