I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
