You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
