remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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