What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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