dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
