Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
