I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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