if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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