I love black thongs
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Randomize
