ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
