checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
