garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
