I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
