I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
