the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
