Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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