i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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