Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
